Outer Beauty vs Inner Beauty

Every women struggle with their self image. I can guarantee if you ask a women what they would like to change about themselves the will pull out a list or at least 1 physical aspect. There is a quote I like to use which says; "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". I do agree with that quote because it doesn't matter how many compliments we would receive if we can't see it ourselves. Many of us compare ourselves to models and celebrities. Which to our dismay they spend hours with a professional team to glam themselves  and afterwards their picture gets photoshopped. So let's ask ourselves, what are we really comparing ourselves to? And is it realistic? Most likely the answer, if you are honest, would be sort of shocking. What we see on TV or magazines is not real. What IT is real is our inner beauty vs outer beauty comparison. The mirror is a lier. The mirror can only reflect how you see yourself. I remember getting a makeover at Laura Mercier and I kept asking the artist how I can hide my dark circles. She used a ton of different things and it wasn't making a difference to me. Until she pointed out how close I was to the mirror. Her words were "Mayeling, no one would get that close to your face unless they are kissing you which if they are their eyes are closed!". I had no choice but to laugh with her! But is it so true. I was so preoccupied with my "close up" look that I didn't realized how silly it was! 

This is a phenomenon that we as women always overlook. We believe what we believe and there is no talking us out of it. Even when our men constantly tells us that we look good! Now I, of course, add myself to this audience. Ever since I had my baby, I struggle even more with my body image! My husband believes I look better than ever. My friends tell me how good I look after only 9 months of giving birth. So why is it so hard for me to see what they see? Well, the answer is: because I have to change my inner beauty to see my outer beauty. Now this is no easy task for me because I was so convinced I was able to look like Kim Kardashian lol. Except it would cost me a lot of money to invest in extensions, tons of makeup, surgery, fake eye lashes, etc! Pretty unrealistic if you ask me, lol. 

So how can I change my inner beauty to reflect my outer beauty? For me I had to look at myself and see what attributes do I like after baby. And surprisingly I found a few. Then I took all my clothes and donated them! ALL of them! So I was forced to buy  new clothes that actually fit me. Harsh reality to find out I am not juniors sizes. Then learn what style goes along with my personality!!!!! It sounds really materialistic right? Well the truth is that the moment you make an effort to look like yourself then you will feel like yourself. Our inner beauty has to do with our perception of the outside. And there is such a thing as a severe misconceived body perception. It is called Body Dysmorphic Disorder. This disorder is a preoccupation with one or more perceived defects or flaws in physical appearance that are not observable or appear slight to others (DSM V). Keep in mind you have to meet certain criteria to be diagnosed with this. However by just reading the definition it sounds like we can all have this! 

Dove created a heart touching video regarding beauty. When I saw it I couldn't stop crying. Because I always struggled with low self esteem it hit me harder than most people. The video does a great job showing women how they see themselves vs others see them. It was such a reality check. I included the link so you can watch and hopefully it will teach you something valuable. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=litXW91UauE

New Struggle: Discipline

When I was childless, I was real quick on "knowing" how parents should discipline their children and had my ideas on exactly what I would do when my turn came. Boy was I in for an awakening!!!! Truth is that I am having a hard time with this concept: DISCIPLINE. I know mom experts must be reading this and wondering " what is wrong with her?". But it is so true, I am seriously struggling. And to add to my already confused mind, I am a Child Therapist!!!! However, do not confuse my expertise and knowledge with my motherhood. I have a dear friend that is a doctor and she does not like to check her own child. So I guess I am not that crazy for not applying my expertise to my own child, lol.

This is where I am struggling. Like million of other moms out there, I want to raise a perfect child (unrealistic). I would like my kids to be well manered, respect their parents as well as others and not be afraid to talk to us. My daughter is only 9 months old and she is at the age of setting limits. Therefore, the word "NO" is repeated thousands of times at home. We have found out that she has learned the meaning of no and our facial expressions associated with it. Nevertheless, she is an infant full of energy, curiosity and adventure. I also understand that every child have a distinct personality and not every discipline principle works. And honestly, that just made my confusion worse. I have cultural beliefs that come with their own principles of discipline. Then I live in a culture that also have their standards of proper discipline. Also, I have my own perception and knowledge from my field of the effects of proper and improper parenting. Can you see my struggle now?????

After researching tons of articles and reading books and manuals, I came to ONE conclusion. My conclusion is NO ONE HAS A RIGHT ANSWER! One example is corporal punishment. Tons of research shows how much it affects a child in a negative way. Then, other research shows the contrary along with cultural aspects. The best thing I was able to do is gather all the information (negative and positive) and lay them out on the table. Then I brought in my parenting partner (my husband) and asked him his beliefs and thoughts. After all, I am not raising our children alone. We were able to discuss our feelings and thoughts about this matter and together came up with something that fits our family. We both decided what we will try and how we will execute our principles. It was the best approach I took and I can honestly say that it ease my mind.

I refuse to believe that I am the only mother worrying about this! I sometimes think about this huge responsibility we have of raising our children. I analyze how much we can mess them up and how much we can help them. At the end of the day, we can only do so much and not everyone can agree on one thing. Discipline is an individuial thing because not ONE person is equal to ANOTHER.