Have you ever noticed how different newly weds are from a couple that has kids? You can always tell what married couples have kids and what married couples doesn't. How? Well, the couple that does not have any children or are newly weds are very affectionate with each other publicly. You can see them hold hands more, hug more often and caring towards each other. The couple with children do not show that much affection towards each other and if the kids are present they are usually paying attention to them. This, by all means, does not mean they do not love each other. It just means they are usually tired and consumed with taking care of their kids. Many parents do not make an effort to spice up their marriage because they are dealing with the guilt of being away from their children while at work. By the time they are ready to have a conversation with their spouse they are too tired and just want to rest or sleep.
So how can we have a happy marriage while being busy parents? Is there a happy medium? Is it even possible? The answer is YES! However, it does take serious commitment and effort to make it happen. Strong and healthy marriage brings security to our children and happiness. Sometimes I hear parents saying that they feel guilty to have date nights after their children have been at the sitter all day long. The children WILL survive so let's remove this false belief out of our minds. Here are some tips on how to improve our marriages:
1. Learn how to pick your battles: we can honestly say we can argue and fight for a lot of things. I know it annoys me to pick up clothes off the floor. However, we must pick our battles. Instead of arguing for every bad habit look for compliments. It is way easier to find the negatives than the positives. Make an effort to search for compliments even if they are simple. Make it a goal to give 2 compliments daily to your spouse! And when a fight is about to rise, ask yourself what would be accomplished, how important is it to you and if its worth fighting over.
2. Be nice: men like to be respected and women like to be appreciated. So, do not ridicule your husband in front of others. Treat him with respect especially in front of others. There is nothing worse than to hurt a man's ego. Of something really bothered you, wait until you are alone and discuss it.
3. Quality time: it is very challenging to take time away from the kids and focus on each other. But it is very nurturing to your marriage. Just taking time to talk to each AND to listen to each other goes a long way. My husband loves to build stuff and to talk about projects which I have absolute no interest in. But I make it a point to have a conversation with him and actually listen to what he has to say. The same works with him. This works best AFTER bedtime. So if your kids do not have a bedtime establish one right away.
4. Physical Touch: make it a point to TOUCH each other. I read about a 60 second cuddle rule. If you spent some time away from each make sure you spend 60 seconds (at least) to cuddle!!! And see how your love will blossom!!!!
Good luck mommas and go ignite your marriage!!!
Tootles......
