"Angels" and "Ghosts" in the Nursery

When a couple finds out they are expecting a bundle of joy, many thoughts and feelings surfaces. To some couples is the BEST news they ever received and can't explain the joy they feel. Other couples react quite differently because of fears or the unexpected news. The truth is that raising a human being is quite nerve wrecking regardless of your situation. I remember getting super excited then getting really worried because IT IS a HUGE responsibility. Well, I want to mention something I just learned. Even though I am a psychotherapist, I learn something new everyday and that's what I love about my job. I learned about a phenomenon called "Angels and Ghosts" in the Nursery. First of all, let me clarify that "angels" and "ghosts" are used as a metaphor. There is no need to get scared and call the Ghost Busters lol!

Ghosts are referred to unresolved childhood issues that parents bring to the relationship with their children. Ghosts make it difficult to see your child for whom they are. Parents' perceptions are distorted by past experiences. It is very hard to identify your own ghosts because, well, they are invisible and they do a great job blinding you from the present. Ghosts can be as serious as a child trauma or as simple as your own relationship with your parent. Ghosts can also be something that get passed on generation from generation. I recall many people saying "I refuse to be like my mother/father" and not realized that they are acting just like them. It can be very deceiving and tricky. I have identified some of my own little ghosts in my nursery. The good news is that you are able to identify those ghosts and cast them out of your lives. You do not have to relive your childhood with your children. If the ghosts are painful then it is better to seek professional help to deal with that pain and get it out of your life. Some ghosts are harmless, however it is still best that you identify them so you can be aware.

Angels are referred to intense loving, nurturing, acceptance, and characteristics which provide a core sense of security and self worth. They are positive traits that are transferred from generations. Just like ghosts, angels are hard to find as well. There is a power battle between angels and ghosts in the nursery. Usually you can find angels in the midst of ghosts. If your parents played with you as a child most likely you will naturally play with yours. It is those little things that come to mind AS you are repeating it with your children. I remember some of my "angels" like when my mom would give us Mcdonald's fries with sprite when we were sick just to cheer us up. How my father will stay up with my baby sister after a late night feeding just to play with her. Angels are those things you make it a point to transfer to your child so that good and loving legacy moves on. So ask yourselves what are your ghosts and angels and how will they impact your parenting???

For more information about research findings on ghosts and angels in the nursery look up Alicia Lieberman and Angels in the Nursery research article. 

Am I Loosing My Mind?

When I was pregnant, people told me how my life was going to change. Some people disclosed how great my life will be others disclosed how miserable they are. Needless to say I was confused. I didn't know what to expect while I was expecting!!!! I refused to accept the negative comments and embraced all the positive advice. Now, I am a new mom of a 7 months old baby girl (time flies). And well I can tell you that those people who "scared" me were not all completely right. One thing that I was not ready to accept was the constant worry!!! OMG, DO I WORRY 24/7. Please, do not get me wrong. I do have moments of laughters, joys, smiles and play. But in the back of my head I am ALWAYS worrying. Is there a switch I can turn off for a break????? Pleeeeassse!!!!

I remember every trimester came with joys AND worries. First trimester is a critical time where you worry about miscarriages. Second trimester is when you rejoice on finding out the gender and worry about proper development. Third trimester you worry about labor and delivery. But once the baby is out then your worries just never stop.... I thought to myself, am I loosing my mind? Will I ever stop worrying? Do I have to over think things? Do I always have to think about worse case scenerios? Then I figured maybe I should stop watching Lifetime Movies, Criminal Minds, the news, scary movies and only watch cartoons!!!! Hah, I would probably have to leave this planet if I want to protect my child. These thoughts just pondered in my head day and night along with all the dangers in the world.

Truth is, I had to realize that I am a mom with limited control. I can sit here and think of million ways to put my baby in a bubble and succeed. But one day that baby will be an adult, a clueless one too if she stays in a bubble, lol.  I had to understand that LOVE has a price. Otherwise, we would not cherish it at all. My unconditional love for my child comes with constant worries. As a mom I want the best for my daughter and future children. The more I shared my fears and worries, the more I realize that ALL moms feel the same way. So I am NORMAL after all. My mom was right when she said, "when you become a mother, you will understand me 100%". And I do, and I appreciate her more than ever. So, what do I do with all these crazy worries???? NOTHING!!! Great answer, huh?!?!? But it is true, there is nothing I can do to stop the worries. All I can do is understand that this is part of being a mom and not having complete control. I just have to try the BEST I can to teach my children right, to raise them to make a difference in the world, to become a fine lady and/or gentlemen, to treat others with respect and love and to practice safety at all times. As for me, I have to learn to let go the need to control everything and trust in God. It is very hard to do especially knowing what I know. I can't rob my children from enjoying the beauties the world has to offer. Yes, I do understand there are bad things (evil ones) out there but I cannot raise scared human beings. I must sit back, relax and enjoy every little moment I have with them because the present is truly a gift.

Baby Fashion on a Budget

Before I became a mom I heard a mom state that she refuses to look good and have her kids look bad! That statement stuck with me for years and I realized how many moms spend their times looking great and neglect their children's fashion. Other moms believe that keeping up with their kids' just cost too much money. Whatever the reason is, kids' are sometimes out of season fashion (because its cheaper) or just not matching.   I can already hear comments in the back of my head telling me how this is only because I am a first time mom and a new mom and this fad will fade away.  I refuse to believe this lie! I also refuse to believe that I cant dress up my baby cute without spending tons of money.....so this is what I do so far....

I always make sure my daughter matches from head to toe. Keep in mind this is just my fashion sense and everyone is different. I buy my daughter's clothes at Marshalls, TJ Maxx and Ross. These stores are very affordable and are not out of season bargains. I do shop out of season sales because sometimes is not really out of season. Let's talk about bargains. Define what is a bargain for you. For me, a bargain is an outfit for less than $10 and separates for less than $5. I don't spend more than that and I don't buy too many outfits from a specific size. Truth is kids out grow their clothes very quick so I budget quantity and price! Do not be afraid of major department stores like Macys, Bbaies R Us and The Children Place. You will be amazed with their sales and clearance. These stores are a season ahead so they will clearance out summer clothes in summer etc. I bought bathing suits for $1, outfits sets for $6, etc. I have gone to thrift stores and I get better bargains at regular stores and the clothes are brand new. Children can be expensive with diapers, food and wipes so why not save every time you can!!!!

Here are some of the outfits my daughter is rocking!!!!!

Proud Mommy and Baby

Spring Baby Fashion

Fun in the sun 

Baby Spring/Summer Outfit 

Schedule, Schedule, Schedule

I realized that although we want to do much unless we organized ourselves and work on a schedule it would be nearly impossible to get things accomplished.

Today I had on my to do list to shop for a present to baby shower, a birthday present for my mother in law, post office run and attend the baby shower!
Seemed very simple to accomplish since I wake up at 7 am thanks to my 4 months old! Well, I was only able to get the baby shower present and go to the baby shower! I was so disappointed.

So, scheduling is very important! Make sure to add time for yourself, family and loved ones, and of course some playtime!!! Yeah I know it sounds impossible but I bet if we don't go back to bed (unless its a scheduled rest time) after the baby or kids wake us up then we have longer days and longer hours! I have a pretty good routine and schedule down for mornings and evenings with the baby! It took a while but consistency worked for us. I wake up at 30 mins before the baby just so I can shower and drink coffee, then once she is up I feed her and change her and let her play in my room while I get ready! Bedtime for her is 8 pm and ours is 9 pm so that gives us an hour for some alone time with each other!

My scheduling is not much and it is minimal but it makes time for me and my husband, play time and some sense of control... Making small changes and goals are more effective than big unrealistic goals!