"Angels" and "Ghosts" in the Nursery

When a couple finds out they are expecting a bundle of joy, many thoughts and feelings surfaces. To some couples is the BEST news they ever received and can't explain the joy they feel. Other couples react quite differently because of fears or the unexpected news. The truth is that raising a human being is quite nerve wrecking regardless of your situation. I remember getting super excited then getting really worried because IT IS a HUGE responsibility. Well, I want to mention something I just learned. Even though I am a psychotherapist, I learn something new everyday and that's what I love about my job. I learned about a phenomenon called "Angels and Ghosts" in the Nursery. First of all, let me clarify that "angels" and "ghosts" are used as a metaphor. There is no need to get scared and call the Ghost Busters lol!

Ghosts are referred to unresolved childhood issues that parents bring to the relationship with their children. Ghosts make it difficult to see your child for whom they are. Parents' perceptions are distorted by past experiences. It is very hard to identify your own ghosts because, well, they are invisible and they do a great job blinding you from the present. Ghosts can be as serious as a child trauma or as simple as your own relationship with your parent. Ghosts can also be something that get passed on generation from generation. I recall many people saying "I refuse to be like my mother/father" and not realized that they are acting just like them. It can be very deceiving and tricky. I have identified some of my own little ghosts in my nursery. The good news is that you are able to identify those ghosts and cast them out of your lives. You do not have to relive your childhood with your children. If the ghosts are painful then it is better to seek professional help to deal with that pain and get it out of your life. Some ghosts are harmless, however it is still best that you identify them so you can be aware.

Angels are referred to intense loving, nurturing, acceptance, and characteristics which provide a core sense of security and self worth. They are positive traits that are transferred from generations. Just like ghosts, angels are hard to find as well. There is a power battle between angels and ghosts in the nursery. Usually you can find angels in the midst of ghosts. If your parents played with you as a child most likely you will naturally play with yours. It is those little things that come to mind AS you are repeating it with your children. I remember some of my "angels" like when my mom would give us Mcdonald's fries with sprite when we were sick just to cheer us up. How my father will stay up with my baby sister after a late night feeding just to play with her. Angels are those things you make it a point to transfer to your child so that good and loving legacy moves on. So ask yourselves what are your ghosts and angels and how will they impact your parenting???

For more information about research findings on ghosts and angels in the nursery look up Alicia Lieberman and Angels in the Nursery research article.