What is Mindfulness?

How many of us have a set routine in our lives? How many times do we plan to plan? And how many of us get upset when things do not go our way? 

Do not feel bad, I bet the majority of the population is on the same boat! It is so common to rush through life and focus ONLY on our goals and our plans for the future. I can recall the amount of times I put all my efforts on a specific goal and once it's achieved I move to the next one. Now, did I take a moment and enjoy my achievement? Did I sit there and allowed myself to truly take in what I just achieved? The answer is...NO! You see, we are wired to thrive and to conquer. However, it takes a lot more work to sit still and take it all in. It takes less work to go through a divorce process than to allow ourselves to mourn the loss. To be mindful of our emotions sometimes can feel like trying to live under the water. Some of us rather believe we are strong and tapping into emotions is seen as a sign of weakness. In reality, all it takes is a bit of mindfulness to live a better (less stressful) life.

What is mindfulness? According to Psychology Today, it is a state of active attention to the present. When you are mindful you are consciously aware of your present thoughts, feelings and your surroundings. There are tons of resources on the web regarding mindfulness including stress management techniques, integrative medicine and meditation. Practicing mindfulness is something that does not require much. It can be incorporated in your regular activities. Mindfulness is a state of mind. It is allowing yourself to take a moment and live in the present. Living in the present means to be aware of your surroundings, how you are currently feeling, body language and thoughts.

Life is stressful and we can easily get lost in our routines. So why not try something new. Let's take a moment and be mindful. If you are a planner then schedule a session of some mindfulness!!!!

The World Thru A Child's Eyes

The end of the year is here and I can't help but to think of things I didn't accomplish. I can't help but to think of the what ifs and how I could of improve things. Then these same thoughts take me to a better me for the new year.....

Many people get the "holiday blues" and I can honestly say it is not too hard to get there. Life is full of ups and downs, accomplishments and disappointments. It is never fully happiness and everything perfect! Otherwise it wouldn't be a real life nor a life worth living because there would be nothing to look forward to nor to fight for and nothing that would extend your own limits! 

I look at my daughter and all the children I counsel. And wondered.... "How is the world through their eyes?"

The answer is not so hard. You see, children are simple and transparent. They live in the present 100%. They don't know what tomorrow is so they don't worry about it. They have dreams that they hold to as the future. Try asking any age kids about the future. It would not make sense to you but it makes perfect sense to them. They believe in fairy tales still and in Santa Claus. I see traumatized kids in my field and even trauma does not take that precious gift of dreaming away. The fear is there, the anxiety creeps up on them, the unexplainable anger over takes them BUT they move on!!! They do not allow these unexplainable horrible feelings change who they are! As they get older their views change and start adapting to more adult like thinking. As a psychotherapist, I love working with children more than adults. Because children are full of hope and adults have a harder time getting there!!!! 

I realized that I was looking back at 2013 with pain were I can focus on the joys that the year brought. Or I can see the world through a child's eyes and focus on being present with myself and be excited for 2014! 

Happy New Years and try to be present every minute of your life! 

Am I Loosing My Mind?

When I was pregnant, people told me how my life was going to change. Some people disclosed how great my life will be others disclosed how miserable they are. Needless to say I was confused. I didn't know what to expect while I was expecting!!!! I refused to accept the negative comments and embraced all the positive advice. Now, I am a new mom of a 7 months old baby girl (time flies). And well I can tell you that those people who "scared" me were not all completely right. One thing that I was not ready to accept was the constant worry!!! OMG, DO I WORRY 24/7. Please, do not get me wrong. I do have moments of laughters, joys, smiles and play. But in the back of my head I am ALWAYS worrying. Is there a switch I can turn off for a break????? Pleeeeassse!!!!

I remember every trimester came with joys AND worries. First trimester is a critical time where you worry about miscarriages. Second trimester is when you rejoice on finding out the gender and worry about proper development. Third trimester you worry about labor and delivery. But once the baby is out then your worries just never stop.... I thought to myself, am I loosing my mind? Will I ever stop worrying? Do I have to over think things? Do I always have to think about worse case scenerios? Then I figured maybe I should stop watching Lifetime Movies, Criminal Minds, the news, scary movies and only watch cartoons!!!! Hah, I would probably have to leave this planet if I want to protect my child. These thoughts just pondered in my head day and night along with all the dangers in the world.

Truth is, I had to realize that I am a mom with limited control. I can sit here and think of million ways to put my baby in a bubble and succeed. But one day that baby will be an adult, a clueless one too if she stays in a bubble, lol.  I had to understand that LOVE has a price. Otherwise, we would not cherish it at all. My unconditional love for my child comes with constant worries. As a mom I want the best for my daughter and future children. The more I shared my fears and worries, the more I realize that ALL moms feel the same way. So I am NORMAL after all. My mom was right when she said, "when you become a mother, you will understand me 100%". And I do, and I appreciate her more than ever. So, what do I do with all these crazy worries???? NOTHING!!! Great answer, huh?!?!? But it is true, there is nothing I can do to stop the worries. All I can do is understand that this is part of being a mom and not having complete control. I just have to try the BEST I can to teach my children right, to raise them to make a difference in the world, to become a fine lady and/or gentlemen, to treat others with respect and love and to practice safety at all times. As for me, I have to learn to let go the need to control everything and trust in God. It is very hard to do especially knowing what I know. I can't rob my children from enjoying the beauties the world has to offer. Yes, I do understand there are bad things (evil ones) out there but I cannot raise scared human beings. I must sit back, relax and enjoy every little moment I have with them because the present is truly a gift.

Life Behind the Curtain

Have you ever looked a someone's life and said to yourself: "I wish I can have a life like that"?

Facebook and Twitter is full of perfect lives, no issues, peaches and cream relationships and awesome jobs! In the social media everyone has a perfect life. Well, I am here to tell you that life behind the curtains is very different than on stage!!! That person you admire the most does have their own share of struggles. That friend that is always happy and perky could go home and cry herself to sleep. That loving mother hugging her child and in a playful mood might be struggling with depression and anxiety. What about your cousin who just got blessed with a bundle of joy after years of trying? She "looks" so happy with her baby but at home she can't stop crying!!!

Sometimes we tend to judge others from the outside and from what we can see- their life stage. There is more to a person than what you see! Always ask yourself, how is life behind the curtains. 

My life on stage: Beautiful family with a new baby and a handsome husband. Living in a great city with great people. Outgoing and friendly personality with positive advice to anyone looking for it. Always laughing and making jokes.I look like I just got it altogether huh?!?!

My life behind the curtain: A new mom struggling with balancing her new life. Always trying to please and bring happiness to others. A mom who had a rough time with postpartum depression and loneliness. Who couldn't understand why she didn't want to take care of her precious baby...confused between joy and guilt....experienced the high demand of breastfeeding when her body couldn't do it. A wife who struggled with full happiness in her marriage not knowing how much her husband DID understand. A girl that felt she had no one to talk to when surrounded with great people but living 2000 miles away from all family members....not have the ability and comfort of a hug from her own mother nor the comforting company of her siblings nor the sweet smiles of her nieces and nephew. A "pretty" girl who constantly battles self esteem and self worth.....who's mirror image was distorted and kind words from her husband wasn't sufficient. A person who's life experiences took her ability to dream again therefor planning for the future became a struggle. This is Me behind the curtains!!!

I have learned that without pain there is no gain!!! Nothing in life is for granted. And nothing in life is perfect. Perfection is what YOU want it to be. My definition of a perfect life does not look like yours and that is OK!!! I love my life and even though my life behind the curtain may sound "bad" to some.. to me it's perfect! I appreciate life more and I am able to be real and relate to others. 

Everyone is a real life celebrity in a way (without the fortune) lol. We all have an audience to impress whether is friends, professors, family, partners, etc. We all have a life stage. 

There is nothing wrong with a life stage. We can be as "real" as we can be but there is always something behind the curtains that only selective people may know. Just remember that everyone else does too. So be careful how you treat others and what you do to others. Always keep in mind that, just like you, they too have a life behind the curtains.