What is Mindfulness?

How many of us have a set routine in our lives? How many times do we plan to plan? And how many of us get upset when things do not go our way? 

Do not feel bad, I bet the majority of the population is on the same boat! It is so common to rush through life and focus ONLY on our goals and our plans for the future. I can recall the amount of times I put all my efforts on a specific goal and once it's achieved I move to the next one. Now, did I take a moment and enjoy my achievement? Did I sit there and allowed myself to truly take in what I just achieved? The answer is...NO! You see, we are wired to thrive and to conquer. However, it takes a lot more work to sit still and take it all in. It takes less work to go through a divorce process than to allow ourselves to mourn the loss. To be mindful of our emotions sometimes can feel like trying to live under the water. Some of us rather believe we are strong and tapping into emotions is seen as a sign of weakness. In reality, all it takes is a bit of mindfulness to live a better (less stressful) life.

What is mindfulness? According to Psychology Today, it is a state of active attention to the present. When you are mindful you are consciously aware of your present thoughts, feelings and your surroundings. There are tons of resources on the web regarding mindfulness including stress management techniques, integrative medicine and meditation. Practicing mindfulness is something that does not require much. It can be incorporated in your regular activities. Mindfulness is a state of mind. It is allowing yourself to take a moment and live in the present. Living in the present means to be aware of your surroundings, how you are currently feeling, body language and thoughts.

Life is stressful and we can easily get lost in our routines. So why not try something new. Let's take a moment and be mindful. If you are a planner then schedule a session of some mindfulness!!!!

Age is Nothing But a Number, Right?

Remember the days when we could not wait to be 18 or 21???? And remember when we were children and aspired to be grown-ups???? There is nothing better than innocence, right?

I remember when I turned 30! Honestly, it was the best birthday ever. I was once told that 30 is when you really know yourself and know exactly what you want in life (or don't want in life). Sweet memories of long years ago, just kidding. I am only 33 years old :)

Aging is something people do not want to talk about nor go through. We cherish our youthful years so much and have a very hard time letting go. Women, specifically, tend to do WHATEVER it takes to not "look" older and would even lie about their age. Truth is, we do not find any beauty in the process of aging. I know what you are thinking already...... what can she possibly know.....she is only 33 years old (still young). Well, it turns out that your 30s is full of pressure of taking the "right" steps to NOT age prematurely. I cannot even begin with how many people mention the biological clock ticking for having children, the amount of collagen and elasticity I am loosing, and of course the happy grey hairs do not help the cause.

Reality is that age is nothing but a number! Yes, our body does change and ages because it is part of our nature. But when the mind starts aging that's when everything really goes downhill! So please, enjoy yourself and enjoy the moments that have been granted to us!!! Laugh at every joke, smile at strangers, aspire to better yourself and do something out of the ordinary! Life goes on and we can't sit here and watch it go to waste by wishing to be younger or looking back at our youth! I love my 30s and I refuse to allow my mind to bury me alive in my body! 

Mirror, Mirror, You are a Liar!

"Mirror, mirror on the wall.........?" Even though this is a quote from a fairy tale movie, people (especially women) tend to ask themselves a variation of this question. Ever noticed how the mirrors in cars have a small statement saying "objects are closer than what they appear". This disclosure made me wonder....."then what is it good for?" Truth is, MIRRORS ARE LIARS!!!!!!

We cannot trust the images we see in the mirrors. Does it mean they are totally useless? Not at all. Even though we know what we see on a side mirror of a car is deceiving we use it to determine our next action or move. However, we typically do not treat ALL mirrors the same. I wish the vanity mirrors would say "objects are fatter than what they appear" or "people are more confident than what they appear" or anything that can insert determination in us or positive affirmations. Instead we only see what we DON'T like about ourselves. If we have a pimple it appears as if we are carrying Mount Everest on our forehead, etc.

The only thing the mirror truly reflects is your biggest challenge, worst judge, and your true competition; YOURSELF. I encourage everyone to treat every mirror like you treat your car's side mirrors. Do not always rely on them without checking yourself first and do not always believe what you see. Always, question what you see and do not be afraid to ALWAYS challenge what you see!!!! And most importantly, remember that mirrors do not always show actuality.

"Angels" and "Ghosts" in the Nursery

When a couple finds out they are expecting a bundle of joy, many thoughts and feelings surfaces. To some couples is the BEST news they ever received and can't explain the joy they feel. Other couples react quite differently because of fears or the unexpected news. The truth is that raising a human being is quite nerve wrecking regardless of your situation. I remember getting super excited then getting really worried because IT IS a HUGE responsibility. Well, I want to mention something I just learned. Even though I am a psychotherapist, I learn something new everyday and that's what I love about my job. I learned about a phenomenon called "Angels and Ghosts" in the Nursery. First of all, let me clarify that "angels" and "ghosts" are used as a metaphor. There is no need to get scared and call the Ghost Busters lol!

Ghosts are referred to unresolved childhood issues that parents bring to the relationship with their children. Ghosts make it difficult to see your child for whom they are. Parents' perceptions are distorted by past experiences. It is very hard to identify your own ghosts because, well, they are invisible and they do a great job blinding you from the present. Ghosts can be as serious as a child trauma or as simple as your own relationship with your parent. Ghosts can also be something that get passed on generation from generation. I recall many people saying "I refuse to be like my mother/father" and not realized that they are acting just like them. It can be very deceiving and tricky. I have identified some of my own little ghosts in my nursery. The good news is that you are able to identify those ghosts and cast them out of your lives. You do not have to relive your childhood with your children. If the ghosts are painful then it is better to seek professional help to deal with that pain and get it out of your life. Some ghosts are harmless, however it is still best that you identify them so you can be aware.

Angels are referred to intense loving, nurturing, acceptance, and characteristics which provide a core sense of security and self worth. They are positive traits that are transferred from generations. Just like ghosts, angels are hard to find as well. There is a power battle between angels and ghosts in the nursery. Usually you can find angels in the midst of ghosts. If your parents played with you as a child most likely you will naturally play with yours. It is those little things that come to mind AS you are repeating it with your children. I remember some of my "angels" like when my mom would give us Mcdonald's fries with sprite when we were sick just to cheer us up. How my father will stay up with my baby sister after a late night feeding just to play with her. Angels are those things you make it a point to transfer to your child so that good and loving legacy moves on. So ask yourselves what are your ghosts and angels and how will they impact your parenting???

For more information about research findings on ghosts and angels in the nursery look up Alicia Lieberman and Angels in the Nursery research article. 

Fitness Tips: Working Mother

Every where you look you see and read how important it is to eat healthy, exercise, spend time with your family, self care and maintaining the marriage happy. Sounds extremely overwhelming if you ask me!!!! I will be honest with you, being a full time working mother and wife AND accomplishing all these MUST do sounds completely insane and impossible to do. But I am trying my absolute best to accomplish as much as I can. In search f tips I found a very good article about fitness for working mothers.

The article states that the minimum requirement for healthy fitness is 20 minutes 3x a week!!! I was very pleased to know that because hours at the gym is just too hard right now. 

Some of the things they suggest are as follows: 

1. Make fitness a priority and put in your calendar like any other appointments. Instead of eating lunch out take 20 minutes and walk around. You can eat a light lunch that day, walk and then go back to work. 

2. Get your family involved. Take a family walk after dinner or ride bicycles. If you have a pool then go swimming! This will allow you to get your workout and spend some quality time with your family. 

3. If it has been a long time since you worked out then pace yourself and work yourself up to the 20 minutes. 

I hope you found these tips useful. For more information and other articles visit childdevelopmentinfo.com. 

Am I Loosing My Mind?

When I was pregnant, people told me how my life was going to change. Some people disclosed how great my life will be others disclosed how miserable they are. Needless to say I was confused. I didn't know what to expect while I was expecting!!!! I refused to accept the negative comments and embraced all the positive advice. Now, I am a new mom of a 7 months old baby girl (time flies). And well I can tell you that those people who "scared" me were not all completely right. One thing that I was not ready to accept was the constant worry!!! OMG, DO I WORRY 24/7. Please, do not get me wrong. I do have moments of laughters, joys, smiles and play. But in the back of my head I am ALWAYS worrying. Is there a switch I can turn off for a break????? Pleeeeassse!!!!

I remember every trimester came with joys AND worries. First trimester is a critical time where you worry about miscarriages. Second trimester is when you rejoice on finding out the gender and worry about proper development. Third trimester you worry about labor and delivery. But once the baby is out then your worries just never stop.... I thought to myself, am I loosing my mind? Will I ever stop worrying? Do I have to over think things? Do I always have to think about worse case scenerios? Then I figured maybe I should stop watching Lifetime Movies, Criminal Minds, the news, scary movies and only watch cartoons!!!! Hah, I would probably have to leave this planet if I want to protect my child. These thoughts just pondered in my head day and night along with all the dangers in the world.

Truth is, I had to realize that I am a mom with limited control. I can sit here and think of million ways to put my baby in a bubble and succeed. But one day that baby will be an adult, a clueless one too if she stays in a bubble, lol.  I had to understand that LOVE has a price. Otherwise, we would not cherish it at all. My unconditional love for my child comes with constant worries. As a mom I want the best for my daughter and future children. The more I shared my fears and worries, the more I realize that ALL moms feel the same way. So I am NORMAL after all. My mom was right when she said, "when you become a mother, you will understand me 100%". And I do, and I appreciate her more than ever. So, what do I do with all these crazy worries???? NOTHING!!! Great answer, huh?!?!? But it is true, there is nothing I can do to stop the worries. All I can do is understand that this is part of being a mom and not having complete control. I just have to try the BEST I can to teach my children right, to raise them to make a difference in the world, to become a fine lady and/or gentlemen, to treat others with respect and love and to practice safety at all times. As for me, I have to learn to let go the need to control everything and trust in God. It is very hard to do especially knowing what I know. I can't rob my children from enjoying the beauties the world has to offer. Yes, I do understand there are bad things (evil ones) out there but I cannot raise scared human beings. I must sit back, relax and enjoy every little moment I have with them because the present is truly a gift.

Dealing with a Loss

Dealing with a loss is never easy even when it is natural and you are expecting it. We all know that dying is part of life. The moment you are born you know one day you must die. Nevertheless, it is a topic that most people do not like to talk about. When I was younger, heck even now, I would cry with just the thought of my parents dying. I just could not imagine my life without them. I am in a place in life where grandparents are getting older and slowly dying. One by one. A few weeks ago I lost my last grandma. And yes even though she was 92 years old, it was sad and it hurt. The healing process was quick though because it was from "normal" causes.

What about the times where it was unexpected?!?! How can you deal with a loss that just came out of nowhere?!?!? 

Indeed, words cannot explain the emptiness in your heart, the emotional roller coaster, and the mental breakdown you encounter. You may have all the support in the world and all the most empathetic words from friends and it will not change anything! And that is ok. You see, we all need time to heal. And that healing process looks different for everyone. There are stages of grief but one must understand what exactly you are grieving. It can be as simple as the death of a grandparent, as complex as the sudden death of a spouse, as confusing as a suicidal death of a son/daughter or as heartbreaking as a divorce process. No matter the situation or circumstances, the stages of grief are the same and it will take time. 

When I was going through my divorce process, I just wanted to speed up the grief process. I didn't want to cry or become bitter. I just wanted to move on and find happiness again. I learned the hard way that there is no such thing as speeding up the process. It will take its course no matter what!!! So take your time and live through the moments and allow yourself to properly grieve. 

The stages of grief are more of a guideline to help us understand what we are going through. Not everyone goes thru the same process and not everyone goes thru all the stages. Grieving is an individual thing. Not one person grieves the same as another. With that being said, here are the stages of grieving: 

1. Denial: it's a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality, etc., relating to the situation concerned. It's a defense mechanism and perfectly natural.

2. Anger: It can manifest in different ways. People dealing with emotional upset can be angry with themselves, and/or with others, especially those close to them. Knowing this helps keep detached and non-judgemental when experiencing the anger of someone who is very upset. When dealing with suicides and divorce, anger will be more apparent. Other times the anger can even be directed at a higher power such as God. 

3. Bargaining: traditionally the bargaining stage for people facing death can involve attempting to bargain with whatever God they believe in. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise. For example "can we still be friends?" When facing a breakup or divorce. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if it's a matter of life or death. 

4. Depression: Also referred to as preparatory grieving. In a way it's the dress rehearsal or the practice run for the "aftermath" although this stage means different things depending on whom it involves. It's sort of an acceptance with emotional attachments. It's natural to feel sadness and regret, fear, uncertainty, etc. It shows that the person has at least begun to accept the reality.

5. Acceptance: again this stage definitely varies according to the situation. It is an indication that there is some emotional detachment and objectivity. 

Keeping these stages in mind, also know that finding individual and group support helps. Seeking therapeutic counseling can help you understand your own process and embrace the chances. Group supports will help you feel that you are not alone and others who experienced the same thing are there to support you. I went through a divorce AND a death in the family simultaneously. I found therapy very helpful and I attended a group support program called Divorce Care. If you have children, they also have groups to help your children understand as well!!!!  

Dealing with Change

Change is something that not everyone can handle nor accept. Change is something that we MUST get used to. Regardless of how we feel about change or deal with change, it is an inevitable phenomenon. I have seen people that refuse to enter new technology because they don't like to change what they already know. Nevertheless, at the end of it all, they end up changing because it is just inevitable. So what is it about change that scares people so much????

I believe we are creatures of habit and when a change happens it just throws us off. We like to always have control and meet our expectations. Once something alters these things we tend to get nervous. 

When I found out I was pregnant, I was "ready" to embrace the changes my body would go through. I was not ready for the mental changes nor the additional body changes that no one warned me about. I was not expecting a change to sudden paranoia and insecurities. I was not prepared for my circle of friends to change. I was not expecting for my body not to have the ability to nurse my baby either. 

There are some changes, the good ones, that we have no problem accepting and embracing them. It is the unexpected changes that shake our grounds a bit and forces us to camouflage. Even though I was not expecting these changes I learned how to appreciate them.

I learned that my body created something amazing therefore it has to mirror that change. I will not have the body I used to because my new body just gave me the best blessing I ever wanted. I changed my mindset and instead of working towards getting my body back, I am working on improving my new one.

If it wasn't for the unexpected change in friends, I would have never found a group of amazing new moms! I was forced to change my circle of friends and I am very happy with my new social life.

So, friends, do not be afraid to take that leap of faith and embrace the changes. Most of the time, change works out for your advantage. And many times if takes a big sudden change to allow yourself to expand your horizons!!!!! 

The Waiting Game

Have you ever heard the phrase "great things happen to those who wait"? Very common phrase in my walk of life!!!! However, it doesn't matter how many times I hear it... I still get impatient. It feels like putting a cake in front of you and saying "don't eat it!"!!!! Like, really?!?!? Lol

Playing the waiting game is never fun but life has taught me that the moment you loose your cool and jump the gun, it turns sour. So I was forced to learn how to wait and not be impatient. At the end, when I look back I usually say, "oh I see why now".... Patience is something you learn and it's not part of you. The way you learn patience is never fun or favorable. It's usually full of mistakes and bad decisions. Here are some tips on how to play the waiting game:

1. Define your goals: be very specific with your goals! If it's a job then make sure you include the environment you want, location , salary etc. If it's a partner then write down specific traits you want and so on.

2. Be patient: we all struggle with this one but try your best to be patient! 

3. Set mini goals: achieving mini goals is easier than a big one. Set up some little goals to accomplish what you want while you are waiting for it! Think of it as a big puzzle and work on a piece at a time.

4. Redirect your focus: there are other things in life than that ONE thing you are waiting for. Take a break and do other things that will bring you some fulfillment in any area of your life. 

5. Don't forget: we can't control everything in life. Sometimes things happen for a reason. Although you might not like the reasons, it is always good to remember that we don't know it all. Trust in things you can't control and don't be so hard on your yourself!

Dare to Dream!

As little girls we believe in fairy tales and we believe that they are true. We believe in princesses and happily ever after. Then as we grow older we become teenagers and our dreams change to something more "grown up". Then we become adults and forget how to dream and wish upon a star....

Why does this happen? Well, as we live life we encounter multiple disappointments and obstacles that fog our dreams and makes us realize that reality vs dreams are not so, well, real. Worries take over, then responsibilities and then those bad experiences!!!

We have the power to change that! Just dare to dream!!! And takes those dreams and work hard on them to make them a reality. Don't forget that obstacles will happen and when they do then tweak your dream and keep going!!!! After all, life wouldn't be life if we didn't have dreams. Let the inner child in you come out and DARE TO DREAM!!! I will guarantee you that you will be living a more positive life once you start chasing those dreams. 

I have a strong belief in God and even sometimes I wonder if he took a vacation on me! Life happens and things happened to me but I decided to not let that stop me from dreaming. Once I jumped that big hurtle I started living a happier life and started focusing on my positives. Every negative has a positive and every life has both side so make a decision and flip that side and just DREAM! 

Quick exercise: something that worked great with me is making a dream board. Cut out images of what your dream is and see how it looks from the outside!

How to be a Happy Mommy!

http://m.parenting.com/article/how-to-be-a-happier-mom?src=SOC&dom=tw

I found this article very interesting and helpful! Enjoy.....