Happy Marriage vs Busy Parents

Have you ever noticed how different newly weds are from a couple that has kids? You can always tell what married couples have kids and what married couples doesn't. How? Well, the couple that does not have any children or are newly weds are very affectionate with each other publicly. You can see them hold hands more, hug more often and caring towards each other. The couple with children do not show that much affection towards each other and if the kids are present they are usually paying attention to them. This, by all means, does not mean they do not love each other. It just means they are usually tired and consumed with taking care of their kids. Many parents do not make an effort to spice up their marriage because they are dealing with the guilt of being away from their children while at work. By the time they are ready to have a conversation with their spouse they are too tired and just want to rest or sleep.

So how can we have a happy marriage while being busy parents? Is there a happy medium? Is it even possible? The answer is YES! However, it does take serious commitment and effort to make it happen. Strong and healthy marriage brings security to our children and happiness. Sometimes I hear parents saying that they feel guilty to have date nights after their children have been at the sitter all day long. The children WILL survive so let's remove this false belief out of our minds. Here are some tips on how to improve our marriages: 

1. Learn how to pick your battles: we can honestly say we can argue and fight for a lot of things. I know it annoys me to pick up clothes off the floor. However, we must pick our battles. Instead of arguing for every bad habit look for compliments. It is way easier to find the negatives than the positives. Make an effort to search for compliments even if they are simple. Make it a goal to give 2 compliments daily to your spouse! And when a fight is about to rise, ask yourself what would be accomplished, how important is it to you and if its worth fighting over.

2. Be nice: men like to be respected and women like to be appreciated. So, do not ridicule your husband in front of others. Treat him with respect especially in front of others. There is nothing worse than to hurt a man's ego. Of something really bothered you, wait until you are alone and discuss it. 

3. Quality time: it is very challenging to take time away from the kids and focus on each other. But it is very nurturing to your marriage. Just taking time to talk to each AND to listen to each other goes a long way. My husband loves to build stuff and to talk about projects which I have absolute no interest in. But I make it a point to have a conversation with him and actually listen to what he has to say. The same works with him. This works best AFTER bedtime. So if your kids do not have a bedtime establish one right away. 

4. Physical Touch: make it a point to TOUCH each other. I read about a 60 second cuddle rule. If you spent some time away from each make sure you spend 60 seconds (at least) to cuddle!!! And see how your love will blossom!!!!

Good luck mommas and go ignite your marriage!!!

Tootles......

Dealing with Self Esteem and Confidence

Have you ever heard of the phrase "love others like you love yourself"? It is actually a bible verse if you must know....

However, loving yourself is a bit harder (for some people) than to love others! Dealing with low self esteem and self confidence is a hard task! I see how others do it with such ease but not me!!!! I struggle every day of my life with this issue. My sister jokes around with me because every year, around my birthday, I always tell her it's time for a new look! I MEAN every single year lol. People get tired of their wardrobe, I get tired of myself. It is super easy to change the wardrobe but not yourself. 

The sad part of my struggle is that it's completely mental! I get compliments constantly about my looks and I don't know how to accept them. It makes me feel so weird and undeserving. I want to accept it deep inside but I just can't. I have a career and completed a master's degree and I am pretty good at what I do. Sounds like I have reasons to have self confidence right? Well, nope. I struggle with that as well!!!! I always doubt myself and second guess my decisions. It is a never ending nightmare. If you have experienced this, then you know what I am talking about. The worse part about this nightmare is not so much how or why you feel this way. It is how your loved ones treat this issue!!! They get extremely impatient with you and short tempered. They treat you like if you mean to be this way!!!! HELLO!!!! I dont want to be this way which is why it's a daily struggle, thank you! Ugh!!!!!

As a new mom, having this "new" body is a bigger hit to my self esteem. I do agree it is completely worth it and yes I will do it again! After all, my body is not the problem is my self deception! 

Even though it is a daily struggle I do not let this get the best of me!!! I actively try everyday to beat this inner issue... If I do not fight it daily I will be defeated and you would find me moping around, with pajamas in complete darkness in my house!!  Just like a dragon in the dungeon! 

Here are a few things I have tried daily. Keep in mind I do not do all these things in one day. Also, I take the approach of daily goals. I am a busy mom, wife and prifessional so I can only handle this in a daily basis. Besides, remember I told you it's a daily struggle for me.....

To learn how to love yourself practice the 5 languages of love in yourself. The 5 languages are:

Words of affirmation: praise yourself in something simple you accomplished. Even if it's laundry after a complicated day.

Quality time: do something you like to do by yourself. You don't have to go away from home (it's good if you do! Kids find you anywhere). Make sure it's something that makes you feel good! Ex. Gym, girls night, bubble path, pampering, massage, etc.

Gifts: head to your favorite store and buy yourself an outfit that fits you good!!!! Even if you are trying to loose weight! Or buy yourself jewelry, shoes, purse or whatever!!!! 

Acts of service: do something that makes you feel good. It can be for yourself or others as long as it makes you feel special and accomplished.

Physical touch: go for a massage or indulge in a spa! It's filled with appropriate touching!!!! 

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Mother's Day has always been special because I still have a mother! However, now that I am a mom I truly appreciate my mother....

Motherhood is no joke and I never once saw or heard my mom complain about being a mother! I love her to death but she doesn't live near me :(. Thank God for video chats lol.

On this Mother's Day I want to congratulate all my fellow mothers and enjoy yourselves out there and share those precious moments!!!!