New Struggle: Discipline

When I was childless, I was real quick on "knowing" how parents should discipline their children and had my ideas on exactly what I would do when my turn came. Boy was I in for an awakening!!!! Truth is that I am having a hard time with this concept: DISCIPLINE. I know mom experts must be reading this and wondering " what is wrong with her?". But it is so true, I am seriously struggling. And to add to my already confused mind, I am a Child Therapist!!!! However, do not confuse my expertise and knowledge with my motherhood. I have a dear friend that is a doctor and she does not like to check her own child. So I guess I am not that crazy for not applying my expertise to my own child, lol.

This is where I am struggling. Like million of other moms out there, I want to raise a perfect child (unrealistic). I would like my kids to be well manered, respect their parents as well as others and not be afraid to talk to us. My daughter is only 9 months old and she is at the age of setting limits. Therefore, the word "NO" is repeated thousands of times at home. We have found out that she has learned the meaning of no and our facial expressions associated with it. Nevertheless, she is an infant full of energy, curiosity and adventure. I also understand that every child have a distinct personality and not every discipline principle works. And honestly, that just made my confusion worse. I have cultural beliefs that come with their own principles of discipline. Then I live in a culture that also have their standards of proper discipline. Also, I have my own perception and knowledge from my field of the effects of proper and improper parenting. Can you see my struggle now?????

After researching tons of articles and reading books and manuals, I came to ONE conclusion. My conclusion is NO ONE HAS A RIGHT ANSWER! One example is corporal punishment. Tons of research shows how much it affects a child in a negative way. Then, other research shows the contrary along with cultural aspects. The best thing I was able to do is gather all the information (negative and positive) and lay them out on the table. Then I brought in my parenting partner (my husband) and asked him his beliefs and thoughts. After all, I am not raising our children alone. We were able to discuss our feelings and thoughts about this matter and together came up with something that fits our family. We both decided what we will try and how we will execute our principles. It was the best approach I took and I can honestly say that it ease my mind.

I refuse to believe that I am the only mother worrying about this! I sometimes think about this huge responsibility we have of raising our children. I analyze how much we can mess them up and how much we can help them. At the end of the day, we can only do so much and not everyone can agree on one thing. Discipline is an individuial thing because not ONE person is equal to ANOTHER.

Fitness Tips: Working Mother

Every where you look you see and read how important it is to eat healthy, exercise, spend time with your family, self care and maintaining the marriage happy. Sounds extremely overwhelming if you ask me!!!! I will be honest with you, being a full time working mother and wife AND accomplishing all these MUST do sounds completely insane and impossible to do. But I am trying my absolute best to accomplish as much as I can. In search f tips I found a very good article about fitness for working mothers.

The article states that the minimum requirement for healthy fitness is 20 minutes 3x a week!!! I was very pleased to know that because hours at the gym is just too hard right now. 

Some of the things they suggest are as follows: 

1. Make fitness a priority and put in your calendar like any other appointments. Instead of eating lunch out take 20 minutes and walk around. You can eat a light lunch that day, walk and then go back to work. 

2. Get your family involved. Take a family walk after dinner or ride bicycles. If you have a pool then go swimming! This will allow you to get your workout and spend some quality time with your family. 

3. If it has been a long time since you worked out then pace yourself and work yourself up to the 20 minutes. 

I hope you found these tips useful. For more information and other articles visit childdevelopmentinfo.com. 

The Waiting Game

Have you ever heard the phrase "great things happen to those who wait"? Very common phrase in my walk of life!!!! However, it doesn't matter how many times I hear it... I still get impatient. It feels like putting a cake in front of you and saying "don't eat it!"!!!! Like, really?!?!? Lol

Playing the waiting game is never fun but life has taught me that the moment you loose your cool and jump the gun, it turns sour. So I was forced to learn how to wait and not be impatient. At the end, when I look back I usually say, "oh I see why now".... Patience is something you learn and it's not part of you. The way you learn patience is never fun or favorable. It's usually full of mistakes and bad decisions. Here are some tips on how to play the waiting game:

1. Define your goals: be very specific with your goals! If it's a job then make sure you include the environment you want, location , salary etc. If it's a partner then write down specific traits you want and so on.

2. Be patient: we all struggle with this one but try your best to be patient! 

3. Set mini goals: achieving mini goals is easier than a big one. Set up some little goals to accomplish what you want while you are waiting for it! Think of it as a big puzzle and work on a piece at a time.

4. Redirect your focus: there are other things in life than that ONE thing you are waiting for. Take a break and do other things that will bring you some fulfillment in any area of your life. 

5. Don't forget: we can't control everything in life. Sometimes things happen for a reason. Although you might not like the reasons, it is always good to remember that we don't know it all. Trust in things you can't control and don't be so hard on your yourself!

PPD the Silent Pain

As a psychotherapist, I was very aware of the probability of postpartum depression. I did not, for once, underestimated it. Since I have no family living nearby I made sure I found a support system to lookout for me. It is really hard for you to notice whether or not you have postpartum depression (ppd). I had conversations with my friends regarding this issue and researched more about just to be aware. My biggest fear was to become extremely depressed and for my behavior to be harmful to me and or the baby.

What did I experience? Well, first of all lets talk about the difference between baby blues and depression. It is completely normal to fee a little down right after giving birth. Let's face it, even though it's a beautiful experience, it is also a very traumatic experience with a great reward! I know it sounds a little contradicting. Your body goes thru a tremendous pressure and the recovery really depends on the individual. Now, besides your hormonal and body change, there is your mental health. As a new mom, you feel like everything is up to YOU. Especially if you are breast feeding! It would be great if men could breast feed so we can sleep a little huh?!? Baby blues happens to almost anyone! It is when you feel down and a mild depression. It is more than not having energy to do anything but not having any motivation as well. Baby blues usually lasts up to 6 weeks and sometimes longer. It can easily turn into PPD. The difference is that PPD is more severe where you just want to give up on everything like taking care of yourself or the baby, loss of interest in almost everything, lack of motivation, constant crying, feeling like everything is going wrong, and in extreme cases thoughts of  hurting yourself and/or the baby. 

Reading this symptoms would probably make you feel like a horrible person. At least that's what I felt!!! 

Please know that you are not a horrible person, you are just going through something and you are not alone. Many women go thru this painful process but keep it a secret. Others feel ashamed to feel like this because you are "supposed" to be happy to have a baby....

I sure was not feeling like this. I had mild baby blues and my family was here to help me. However, when they left the depression hit me out of nowhere and like a brick! I will never forget how I was in the shower and just burst into tears for no reason. It's like I went from loving my life to hating it within seconds. I didn't want to touch my baby and I couldn't stop crying. My husband didn't know what to do. I called my closest friend and just cried for help. I didn't know what to do. I remember my husband asking me if I feel like hurting myself or the baby but my answer was no. 

PPD is a silent pain that many new moms  go thru. No one wants to admit experiencing horrible feelings. I am very happy to see that PPD is not perceived as a weakness nor bad parenting. I was amazed to see the reactions to my mommy group when I took the courage to say "I have PPD". The amount of love and acceptance was unbelievable. And even better, my courage to share prompted other moms to say "me too". So we are not alone after all! 

What to do when you experience PPD? My biggest suggestion is to NOT keep it a secret. There is a huge benefit with talking to others. Therapy is a good approach and it will help you better understand this phenomenon. Find a support group. Listening to others' gives you a different perspective on things and teaches you that you are not the only one. Leave the house! Yes, those walls ARE moving. Take a walk, join a friend for coffee, or go to a park. Baby steps are important. If you make small goals they are easier to achieve and that is important. And finally, do not underestimate yourself. Don't think you can deal with this in your own because you don't have to. The help is here for you to use!!!

Parenthood & Friendship: The Ugly Truth

There is this phenomenon called friendship! I know I have blogs about this in different aspects but never imagined to see it from this point of view. I knew that some friendships were going to change after having a baby. That was expected. As I entered a new cycle of friends I realized that not everyone can master this positively. What do I mean? I will tell you. In the parenting world there are tons of diversity like the social world. I don't intend to separate the two but its an illustration. Some people have a hard time with other customs, cultures, races, etc.
Well, parenting have different styles and not everyone is going to agree. The question is will you be able to be friends with other parents that don't share your point of you? Personally I am able to accept others' views and respect them. But I do struggle with others telling me that my way is the wrong way!

What's the ugly truth? As parents we have to accept others' opinion regardless or how else will we get along? Accepting someone opinion does not mean you have to agree with them. It just means you value that person's friendship enough. Let me warn you, it is not easy. So be ready to encounter topics that will make your blood boil and if you can't handle it feel free to change the subject!!!

Friendship: Be Prepared!

One thing I was never prepared for was drastic change in friendships. While I was pregnant I was slowly loosing friends and it took an optional toll on me. I felt like those weren't real friends and I felt like an outcast. I vented to other mommies and they were going thru the same thing. Like if having a baby was a contagious disease or something!!!
Well, I finally understood (throughout time) that this was part of the transition to parenthood. I was mad at those friends I lost until I realized it was not personal nor anyone fault. Think about it! What makes a friendship? Common interests, personalities, walks of life and priorities. So if a lot of those things change then most likely the friendship will change. It doesn't mean you are no longer friends it just means the caliber of the friendship chances!!! Even the strong friendships undergo big drastic changes. I do believe that some friendships are meant to last forever thru all changes and others are transitional! Regardless of what type of friendship it is just enjoy it and treasure it.

How I dealt with it? Well, I looked for new friends!!! Now this is so not an easy task for everyone especially if you are an introvert. But it is not impossible, so if you are a social butterfly then look for mommy groups and if you are an introvert then seek around your current circle. I bet there is at least 1 person in the same tract as you!!!!!
Friendship is something that is completely necessary don't rob yourself from that treasure and remember there always someone out there going thru the same thing as you!!! I learned that....

Baby Fashion on a Budget

Before I became a mom I heard a mom state that she refuses to look good and have her kids look bad! That statement stuck with me for years and I realized how many moms spend their times looking great and neglect their children's fashion. Other moms believe that keeping up with their kids' just cost too much money. Whatever the reason is, kids' are sometimes out of season fashion (because its cheaper) or just not matching.   I can already hear comments in the back of my head telling me how this is only because I am a first time mom and a new mom and this fad will fade away.  I refuse to believe this lie! I also refuse to believe that I cant dress up my baby cute without spending tons of money.....so this is what I do so far....

I always make sure my daughter matches from head to toe. Keep in mind this is just my fashion sense and everyone is different. I buy my daughter's clothes at Marshalls, TJ Maxx and Ross. These stores are very affordable and are not out of season bargains. I do shop out of season sales because sometimes is not really out of season. Let's talk about bargains. Define what is a bargain for you. For me, a bargain is an outfit for less than $10 and separates for less than $5. I don't spend more than that and I don't buy too many outfits from a specific size. Truth is kids out grow their clothes very quick so I budget quantity and price! Do not be afraid of major department stores like Macys, Bbaies R Us and The Children Place. You will be amazed with their sales and clearance. These stores are a season ahead so they will clearance out summer clothes in summer etc. I bought bathing suits for $1, outfits sets for $6, etc. I have gone to thrift stores and I get better bargains at regular stores and the clothes are brand new. Children can be expensive with diapers, food and wipes so why not save every time you can!!!!

Here are some of the outfits my daughter is rocking!!!!!

Proud Mommy and Baby

Spring Baby Fashion

Fun in the sun 

Baby Spring/Summer Outfit 

Give yourself a break!

There will be moments were you just want to throw in the towel and not care about anything! I sure felt like that yesterday. It's like you want to do all these great things but sometimes doubt that you can do it. My solution to this problem was "catching a break of myself"! It's really easy to take a break from everyone else but it's hard to give yourself a break from yourself. Did you know we are our worst critic? At least I am. Well I took a break and I ate whatever I wanted, didn't work out, left the baby in onesies and ordered a pizza and ate it on the couch with pjs! Funny part is my husband loved it and my baby even decided to go to bed earlier. Needless to say, I didn't care and it turned out good!

The Beginning!

Ever wonder how simple and easy TV moms' lives look like? I sometimes wondered if it would be possible to live a fab life juggling between your career, family and personal interests. Is it possible to have everything you need and want at the same time? If not, then what has to be sacrificed? Maybe the TV moms married the perfect husband and) had the perfect children with perfect personalities.....NOT.....

In reality, it seems like you must die to yourself in order to maintain your children in a healthy lifestyle and maintain the fire in your marriage. I, for once, refuse to believe you have to give up everything you ever wanted just because you reached big milestones in your life. These milestones, in my opinion, are supposed to enhance your life not dim it. For example, if you have a stylish fashion why does it have to change just because your schedule got a little hectic. This is where my fashion interest comes into play. I do not want to be a mom that dresses like I am in denial nor a mom that just let herself go because there is no time! I am determined to find a way to make it work. 

What about me-time? What do you mean there is no me-time? You mean the only alone time is when I get a bathroom break?What about that toddler that somehow follows you to the toilet!!!! This is when psychological therapies comes into effect. As a psychotherapist, I understand how important mental health is.  And yes moms deserve this time as well! As a mom, I feel like I am the ONLY one available to cater to my family's needs...well guess what.....I need to cater to myself as well. So, taking time to reflect and recharge is important to me and I must find time to do so!

Having a baby is a wonderful thing and by far the best thing I have ever done! However, my body went to distress and it takes commitment and work to get back into some sort of shape! Health and fitness is a new phenomenon I want to try! Why? Because I want to look fab! NOT REALLY! Although it helps, lol! Actually, I want to run after my daughter and play with her without feeling like I am loosing my lungs! I need the energy to juggle everything in life. I want to raise active children that play in the playground and not inside the TV! Although children's TV Shows are a life saver, I do want to interact and play with my kids! I saw a quote on twitter that said " I am not loosing weight, I am getting rid of it. I have no intention of finding it again" (@Bfit_Bhealthy). That's exactly what I want to do. My goal is to eat healthier and exercise in an affordable and easy way!

Is it possible to do this? Let's see because I am about to find out.....

Greatest Love of All

Me and my daughter