PPD the Silent Pain

As a psychotherapist, I was very aware of the probability of postpartum depression. I did not, for once, underestimated it. Since I have no family living nearby I made sure I found a support system to lookout for me. It is really hard for you to notice whether or not you have postpartum depression (ppd). I had conversations with my friends regarding this issue and researched more about just to be aware. My biggest fear was to become extremely depressed and for my behavior to be harmful to me and or the baby.

What did I experience? Well, first of all lets talk about the difference between baby blues and depression. It is completely normal to fee a little down right after giving birth. Let's face it, even though it's a beautiful experience, it is also a very traumatic experience with a great reward! I know it sounds a little contradicting. Your body goes thru a tremendous pressure and the recovery really depends on the individual. Now, besides your hormonal and body change, there is your mental health. As a new mom, you feel like everything is up to YOU. Especially if you are breast feeding! It would be great if men could breast feed so we can sleep a little huh?!? Baby blues happens to almost anyone! It is when you feel down and a mild depression. It is more than not having energy to do anything but not having any motivation as well. Baby blues usually lasts up to 6 weeks and sometimes longer. It can easily turn into PPD. The difference is that PPD is more severe where you just want to give up on everything like taking care of yourself or the baby, loss of interest in almost everything, lack of motivation, constant crying, feeling like everything is going wrong, and in extreme cases thoughts of  hurting yourself and/or the baby. 

Reading this symptoms would probably make you feel like a horrible person. At least that's what I felt!!! 

Please know that you are not a horrible person, you are just going through something and you are not alone. Many women go thru this painful process but keep it a secret. Others feel ashamed to feel like this because you are "supposed" to be happy to have a baby....

I sure was not feeling like this. I had mild baby blues and my family was here to help me. However, when they left the depression hit me out of nowhere and like a brick! I will never forget how I was in the shower and just burst into tears for no reason. It's like I went from loving my life to hating it within seconds. I didn't want to touch my baby and I couldn't stop crying. My husband didn't know what to do. I called my closest friend and just cried for help. I didn't know what to do. I remember my husband asking me if I feel like hurting myself or the baby but my answer was no. 

PPD is a silent pain that many new moms  go thru. No one wants to admit experiencing horrible feelings. I am very happy to see that PPD is not perceived as a weakness nor bad parenting. I was amazed to see the reactions to my mommy group when I took the courage to say "I have PPD". The amount of love and acceptance was unbelievable. And even better, my courage to share prompted other moms to say "me too". So we are not alone after all! 

What to do when you experience PPD? My biggest suggestion is to NOT keep it a secret. There is a huge benefit with talking to others. Therapy is a good approach and it will help you better understand this phenomenon. Find a support group. Listening to others' gives you a different perspective on things and teaches you that you are not the only one. Leave the house! Yes, those walls ARE moving. Take a walk, join a friend for coffee, or go to a park. Baby steps are important. If you make small goals they are easier to achieve and that is important. And finally, do not underestimate yourself. Don't think you can deal with this in your own because you don't have to. The help is here for you to use!!!