New Struggle: Discipline

When I was childless, I was real quick on "knowing" how parents should discipline their children and had my ideas on exactly what I would do when my turn came. Boy was I in for an awakening!!!! Truth is that I am having a hard time with this concept: DISCIPLINE. I know mom experts must be reading this and wondering " what is wrong with her?". But it is so true, I am seriously struggling. And to add to my already confused mind, I am a Child Therapist!!!! However, do not confuse my expertise and knowledge with my motherhood. I have a dear friend that is a doctor and she does not like to check her own child. So I guess I am not that crazy for not applying my expertise to my own child, lol.

This is where I am struggling. Like million of other moms out there, I want to raise a perfect child (unrealistic). I would like my kids to be well manered, respect their parents as well as others and not be afraid to talk to us. My daughter is only 9 months old and she is at the age of setting limits. Therefore, the word "NO" is repeated thousands of times at home. We have found out that she has learned the meaning of no and our facial expressions associated with it. Nevertheless, she is an infant full of energy, curiosity and adventure. I also understand that every child have a distinct personality and not every discipline principle works. And honestly, that just made my confusion worse. I have cultural beliefs that come with their own principles of discipline. Then I live in a culture that also have their standards of proper discipline. Also, I have my own perception and knowledge from my field of the effects of proper and improper parenting. Can you see my struggle now?????

After researching tons of articles and reading books and manuals, I came to ONE conclusion. My conclusion is NO ONE HAS A RIGHT ANSWER! One example is corporal punishment. Tons of research shows how much it affects a child in a negative way. Then, other research shows the contrary along with cultural aspects. The best thing I was able to do is gather all the information (negative and positive) and lay them out on the table. Then I brought in my parenting partner (my husband) and asked him his beliefs and thoughts. After all, I am not raising our children alone. We were able to discuss our feelings and thoughts about this matter and together came up with something that fits our family. We both decided what we will try and how we will execute our principles. It was the best approach I took and I can honestly say that it ease my mind.

I refuse to believe that I am the only mother worrying about this! I sometimes think about this huge responsibility we have of raising our children. I analyze how much we can mess them up and how much we can help them. At the end of the day, we can only do so much and not everyone can agree on one thing. Discipline is an individuial thing because not ONE person is equal to ANOTHER.

Fair Game: Dads vs Moms

As I am sitting in my bed, thinking of my next topic, while my infant daughter is jumping and clapping next to me filling the room with noises and laughter. I can't help but to wonder, where the heck is my husband?!?! Oh yeah, taking his sweet time showering. Hmm I don't remember the last time I was able to enjoy a shower. I am usually rushing because baby duties are awaiting. Then, all of the sudden it clicked!!!! Yes, my next blog topic...... Are baby duties fair game between dads and moms????

Please, do not get me wrong! I love my daughter and love spending time with her, taking care of her and she makes me laugh! But I can't help to feel like I am always doing more than daddy. Then I wonder if it is an innate ability we acquire as soon as we conceive. The urge to do it all, the necessity to be the one in control and the mom power to just get things done!!!!! How involved do daddies really want to be and how involved do WE allowed them to be???? 

I can't be the only one going through this. I am pretty sure if I talk to a mother with more than 1 child they would look at me like if I am insane! Well, I am hoping they do at least. Because deep inside I want to believe that daddies DO want to do more but mommies just don't give them a chance, lol. 

My husband is a great man and an awesome father. And he tries to do his best to help me. I, on the other hand, do not think about asking for help. I feel like baby duties are all mine. On the contrary, there are dads that would rather have mommy do it all because it is quicker than to figure it out. However, hats off to single dads. 

Moms, do not let your motherly instincts trap you!!!! I was doing it all and I was starting to feel like Cinderella. Men do not have mother's instincts. Instead they have protector and provider instincts. They think that they have accomplished their duties by accomplishing these instincts. It will NOT come natural to think " well, she has baby duties every morning so let me pick up the baby every afternoon". And moms will just naturally do what she was built to do, being nurturing. 

Picture Courtesy from BabyCenter.com

I think, as a new mom, that it has to be fair game. In today's world we both have to work and although it might not come naturally to daddies they are willing to help. But us mommies have to speak up. So take some alone time and talk to your hubby and make a plan. We are a team and parenting is team work. I see some parents wait until their kids are older to establish "teamwork" because they are exhausted. But it is hard to change something that has become a custom in the family. So why not start now!!!! Parenting along with baby duties is fair game so lets work towards 50-50 ladies!!!

Friendship: Be Prepared!

One thing I was never prepared for was drastic change in friendships. While I was pregnant I was slowly loosing friends and it took an optional toll on me. I felt like those weren't real friends and I felt like an outcast. I vented to other mommies and they were going thru the same thing. Like if having a baby was a contagious disease or something!!!
Well, I finally understood (throughout time) that this was part of the transition to parenthood. I was mad at those friends I lost until I realized it was not personal nor anyone fault. Think about it! What makes a friendship? Common interests, personalities, walks of life and priorities. So if a lot of those things change then most likely the friendship will change. It doesn't mean you are no longer friends it just means the caliber of the friendship chances!!! Even the strong friendships undergo big drastic changes. I do believe that some friendships are meant to last forever thru all changes and others are transitional! Regardless of what type of friendship it is just enjoy it and treasure it.

How I dealt with it? Well, I looked for new friends!!! Now this is so not an easy task for everyone especially if you are an introvert. But it is not impossible, so if you are a social butterfly then look for mommy groups and if you are an introvert then seek around your current circle. I bet there is at least 1 person in the same tract as you!!!!!
Friendship is something that is completely necessary don't rob yourself from that treasure and remember there always someone out there going thru the same thing as you!!! I learned that....